I Can’t Hear You Over the Retrograde: A Mercury Tale
Mercury has officially turned its trickster little self backwards in the sky, and wouldn’t you know it-I’ve lost my damn hearing.
Yes, you read that right. While the planet of communication decided to moonwalk through the zodiac, I apparently decided to participate by disconnecting the most vital part of communication I’ve got: my actual ears.
Coincidence? I think not.
—
Mercury Retrograde: A Quick and Chaotic Refresher
For the astro-newbies out there, Mercury Retrograde is that delightful three-week(ish) stretch where everything goes off the rails. Think of it as the universe’s group text glitching, autocorrect turning “I’m on my way” into “I’m on your face,” and exes creeping back in like pop-ups on a shady website. It’s not evil, but it is extra.
Mercury governs:
• Communication
• Technology
• Travel
• Contracts
• And yes- your senses (like hearing, apparently)
So when it goes backwards? We all start operating in italics. Nothing is straightforward.
So What Happened to My Ears?
Some call it an infection. I call it planetary sabotage.
Right before the retrograde began, I was already getting signs: miscommunications, total shifts in travel plans, and a string of oddly aggressive “life revaluations” Then boom- ear clogged, muffled everything, and green mucus like some sort of Shrek-themed oil spill. And here’s the kicker: because my ears are blocked, I think I’m speaking at normal volume. Inside my head, it sounds like I’m commanding a room.
But in real life?
“You’re whispering again, Mom.”
“Babe, I can’t hear you.”
“Are you talking to me or the cat?”
Apparently, the internal echo chamber is a liar.
What I believe is clear communication is barely audible to those around me- which feels eerily symbolic of this retrograde.
Was it Mercury’s way of telling me to shut up and listen to myself?
Yes. Probably yes.
Do’s and Don’ts of Surviving This Mercury Madness
Here are my retrograde rules, fresh from the silence of my auditory purgatory:
✅ DO:
• Back up your files and your sanity
Triple-save. Then save again. Mercury loves data loss.
• Reflect instead of react
This is a time for editing, revisiting, and (gasp) apologizing.
• Speak slowly and clearly
Especially to me, because I literally can’t hear you.
Revisit old projects- especially ones that need polishing
• Clean your crystals, journal your rage, and light a candle with intention
Just don’t try to send a text about it while driving.
• Say what you mean
And don’t be surprised if the person hears “mean what you say.”
• Turn miscommunication into comedy
I’m halfway deaf and still managing family life and a career. What’s your excuse?
🚫 DON’T:
• Sign major contracts unless you’ve read it twice (then once more for your ancestors)
• Start a new job, new relationship, or new habit unless you’re ready to repeat it
• Send a risky text (Mercury will absolutely hit “send” on the wrong chat)
• Get bangs (unless it’s a spiritual rebirth- then carry on)
Mercury in Your Chart: Where the Drama Unfolds
The chaos of a retrograde always depends on where it hits your personal birth chart. For me, this one’s tangoing through my 10th house, which rules:
career
• reputation
• visibility
• And apparently… ear canals
And it’s in Virgo, the sign of exacting precision, articulation, and hyper-aware self-expression. And yet? I can’t hear. And no one can hear me.
Coincidence? Mercury says absolutely not.
So here I am. Quiet. Reflective. Slightly slimy. But transformed.
What About You?
Wanna know where Mercury is stirring the pot in your life?
Find out which house it’s transiting. If you don’t know your birth chart, now is the perfect time to get one done.
(No pressure—but your future therapist will thank you.)
And if Mercury already has your head spinning, remember this:
Retrogrades aren’t punishments.
They’re redirections, recalibrations, and occasionally full-body resets.
And in my case?
They’re a chance to listen differently—even if I can’t hear a damn thing.
⸻
Curious what else Mercury might be messing with?
